Some nights my heart feels heavy, some nights my heart feels empty, but no matter what it is, I always feel lonely.
These days, there’s not many people who I can seriously talk to anymore. There’s the casual “hi, how are you doing?” from other people. But there’s no more than one or two other people who I can actually confide my problems and daily happenings with.
is my get away. It is the road I take that bring me to the confinement of my own thoughts. With the rich melody playing inside my ear, music is my drug during times of sadness, happiness, loneliness, and so much more. There are so many different genres and sound that are waiting to be explored and made. Music is a drug, music is universal, music is the only language that is spoken throughout the rest of the world, in every continent, in every country.
Then: A marriage is a lifetime commitment/contract. It is an agreement between two people to love each other “til death do them[us] part.”
Now: A decision between two people who think that they are in love (most of the time). Instead of “death do us part”, a marriage would end once one walks out the door and the divorce paper is signed.
When you feel like you’re trapped inside a black void filled with nothing save your swirling thoughts. Laying on your bed, you slowly become aware that nothing feels right anymore. You feel disconnected, lost, confused, lonely. The thoughts swirling your head becomes nothing more than a slight buzz. Staring at the ceiling for hours yet you can’t seem to see anything.
I know it doesn’t do me any good but I’d rather clear my head than deal with them right away. But that’ll just leave things unresolved and create more complications. No matter how fast I run, I know they’ll still be there. It isn’t the best choice, but I know I’ll have to face them sooner or later.
I could remotely remember myself as a kid all those years ago, being carried on the shoulders of my smiling father. I could still smell the fruity shampoo my mother would always wash my hair with, claiming that it won’t make me cry. I could still feel the excitement as I brought home an excellent grade on my test. And I could still taste the flavorless food my parents would make me eat when I was still a child, thinking that it would make healthy for a life time. Now looking back, I can’t fathom how long ago those things were. I really do wonder where the years have gone to because I can’t remember all the small details of myself growing up. It’s as if in just the blink of an eye I’ve already grown up to who I am today.
I’m not sure if calling this our one month is very accurate for we’ve been through a lot with each other before. But either way, happy anniversary baby. I know it has been awhile since we last talk and even connected, and I know it’s all my fault so I’m truly sorry. I miss you so so so much and I wish I could see you right at this moment. I’m so jealous of all those people who gets to see you everyday. I hope they realize how lucky they are just to be able to see your smiling face and be in your presence everyday because I know I would love to to able to do that. I know I’ve said this before and every time I do, you’d disagree, but I really do not know how was I able to find such an amazing guy like you. Not like the rest, you made me fall in love with your personality and every time I see you, you make me fall just as hard as the first time. I know I’ve been a horrible girlfriend (no matter what you say). I haven’t been there for you lately because I’ve been struggling to balance everything in my life and I know that’s no excuse because I know how much you care for me. I’m sorry for losing sight of what’s really important and I’m sorry for making you worry all this time. You’re an amazing boyfriend, one of those “one in a million”. I’m so lucky to have someone in my life that would put up with all the bullshit and still love me the same way like you do. I love you. I love you. I love you. I really fucking love you. Thank you for being there for me all this time and putting up with my crap. I miss you a lot, wishing that I could see you right now. Happy anniversary baby, I love you. ♥
I think it’s refreshing to see that any two people, no matter where they came from, no matter their skin color, and no matter there language, could fall in love; creating something totally amazing between them that could last forever. Love have no boundaries and any one can fall in to it’s lovely trap: someone’s skin color shouldn’t stand in the way of that.
If the government is planning to arrest all the people who illegally download music then I’m sure 90% of the US will be living in jail cells.