A Change In Perspective

Dad: Do you know how to use the internet?
Me: *Looks over to tumblr*
Dad: Do you know how to use google?
Me: ……….what?
Dad: I can’t believe you don’t know how to use the internet. The lady at Walmart told me to go to google to buy the charger.
Me: ……again what?
Dad: Never mind, you’re useless.
Okay: OKAY! 

When nothing bothers me and I just exist by myself. My phone would be off, I would not answer calls. I do my own thing to pass my own time and try to forget about everything that is going around me. On these days, I always feel so sluggish and tired, like I have no energy left for anything at all. I would do nothing, just listen to music or lay on my bed; thinking. I hate days like these because they bring me this weird feeling of sadness that I can’t explain. I just hope this gloomy feeling would leave me soon because I really hate feeling like I’m alone.

I don’t know how people do it. I don’t know how they can break up with someone one day then flirt with someone else on the next. Did you not care about the previous person you were with? Did you even like them in the first place?! Maybe you’re trying to hide the fact that you’re hurt now that the relationship is over, but at least have the morals to wait a few days or weeks. If you truly cared about the last person you were with, then 24 hours could not be enough time to forget all the good things that happened between to two. 

I’m not saying that it’s the best option or solution because killing yourself solves absolutely nothing. But I can understand why someone would want to. People do not realize how much a simple word can affect someone. “You’re ugly”. “You’re worthless.” “You should die.” Even if you’re saying it as a joke to pass your time, people do take it seriously. They take it so seriously to the point that they over think and become lost to reality. They would hurt, they would hurt emotionally because they truly believe that they’re not good enough. They want to hide, they want to be far away from the things that hurts them most: and that thing is people. Committing suicide is their easy way out because they no longer want to feel the pain of thinking that they’re not good enough or that no one cares. If you don’t want your love one to die, then start showing them your love.

All you gotta do is say “Hi” and I’d be acknowledging you. But after the “hey” and “what’s up”, you gotta know how to keep me coming back for more. Keep me interested, when I ask you something instead giving me one word answers, try typing out a few sentences. It won’t hurt to do it, and it will keep me on the hook. 

Truthfully, I’m not the kind of person who tells everyone about my problems. I’m not the type to gush their feelings to another person just because some bitch calls me names or cause my crush smiled at me. When something bad arises, I rather keep the problem to myself. I hate pulling other people into my useless dramas, they have their own lives right? Yeah I gossip, blah blah blah. Just don’t expect me to pour out all my feelings and cry over something that goes wrong. Cause when something does go wrong, I don’t need sympathy. I need someone who understands.

Does it really feel that good to know that you’ve hurt someone with your spiteful words? Does it really make you feel that superior to know that they’re killing themselves because of you? Does it make you happy to know that you’ve successful ruin someone’s life, even if it’s a small part of it? Do you not realize that the pain you cause for that person will always stay with them…? What the hell is wrong with you? For those people who constantly hurt others for their own entertainment, you are: heartless, despicable, repugnant, horrible, pitiful, disgusting, repulsive, sickening, and so much more. You people need to stop for a moment and check on your morals.

You are willing to stop flirting with other people to prove it to them. You are willing to stay up late even if you’re really sleepy and tired. You instantly “miss” them as soon as you guys get off the phone. You start to think about the future with them and you just can’t help but smile. When someones “worth it”, don’t let them get away.

I wish I could wake up everyday and expect it not to be just like yesterday or the day before. I want go somewhere new, I want to meet someone amazing, I want to be a part of something important. 

Like thinking back now, you wish that you could go back in time and change that moment if you could? I have many of those moments. The moments where I wish I could have done something different and change the outcome altogether so I don’t have to feel as horrible as I do right now. But sometimes I wonder if I could change those regrettable moments, would I be the person I am right now? And would things be for the better or worse?